I have had a medical condition for some years, it comes and goes as it pleases with years inbetween. Last week it came back.
Five years ago I had it too and I went to see a doctor. He told me it was up to me if I wanted further examinations and investigations and most obviously digging and searching. I didn’t really say no, I said I’d think about it and I never went back. The doctor had quit and wasn’t working at the clinic the next time I went there and no one ever approached me with any concerns. The symptoms went away. I healed up and forgot.
Last week it came back. Like an old enemy you forgot about. But there it was. I decided not waiting but go to the doctor and get proper attention. I was there today. She couldn’t believe I ran for such long times and she understood my worries. She gave me the full examination and said I was alright. I’ll get some meds and I can keep running. I was so happy I almost cried.
In the car back home I thought about why I dared going thru with it this time and not before. Anxiety. Cancer. Life. Running.
The only conclusion I could cone up with was that the fear of not being able to run was bigger than the fear of a difficult medical examination.
My life have changed. I don’t look like a runner. I don’t feel like a runner. But I need running. I need to achive something. I need to know I can do it. That there’s something I can do that not every one else does. I think today I really discovered something important about myself…