I still don’t feel well. Everything that changed and the complete agony of missing the ultra marathon mixed up with fatigue and lack of sleep equals depression. I have not found back to my happy place. This is the third week I have been running “as usual” again. First a few 5k, then 7k and now 10-12k. This morning I took 30sec off every k. I have been running so slow during the winter and spring. Not realising I done the same misstakes as usual, only in a new shape. I worked really hard. Slept too little. No time to come back. Times have been slow. Eating to function – but eating the wrong things. I have gained 5kg or something like that. Maybe more. I quit getting on the scale early this year. I was training for the ultra, remember. Focus on that, not losing weight. But not running. And still eating like I used to. Not good. And now I know why the times are bad. So, I am on a strict diet. My pedometer is back on, as it’s a Withings it also tracks my sleep. From now on, no more excuses. Yes, it’s a huge setback, but I don’t want to lose this moment. I don’t want to be forced into my fat suit again. I want to be a runner. I am a runner. But seriously, depression makes it hard. Just breathing is difficult sometimes.