“Follow your heart” she said.

  
I just put the phone down after talking to a career adviser. I have been struggling with what to do with “the rest of my life” and I thought it’d be a good idea. She was five years my senior (yes, she told me so) and she was far too eager to let me know what she was “thinking” about my situation rather than actually listening to me. But even if she never got to hear all my facts she came to the “right” conclusion.

Follow your heart – do what makes you happy.

She asked me “what would you do right now if you could chose?”

– “Run, and then write”

– “Then that’s what you should do, take a time out”

Sounds so easy, I can’t really commit to anything like that. I have a position as  a project manager until December, they won’t give me time off before that. Specially not for running and writing.

– “They will think I have a midlife crisis!”

– “Is it your life to live, or what?”

Good point really. I always advice people (in the line of my work) to not give away the leading role in their life! Maybe I should listen to myself for once? Anyway, she told me not to make any quick decision right now. I like the job I have now, I just hate commuting for so many hours every day. I will try to get the summer off. For running and writing. And a bit of gardening. I am a good leader, but it’s not what I want to do. I don’t mean the job as project manager because that IS what I want to do. But it’s one off and January 2nd I will be back in my old position again and I don’t want that. 

That is what I mean, I am good at being a leader but doesn’t mean I have to do it. Right? Because what you like doing you will get good at and when you are good at something you will enjoy it more!

I won’t make any hasty decisions, but I think I have a plan. She never got all my facts, but I have them, and I think some of her advices were good. It would be stupid leaving my job but I should go for the positions I want rather than what everyone seems to think is good for me, what they expect of me. I may be on a highway to top notch jobs – but I don’t want to give away the hours needed. I think that’s one thing that is very clear after this “conversation”. And I think, as I will analyze this in the days to come, I am so much better when I am enjoying myself… It feels less than a job then. The project I am in now is soooo positive. Everyone loves it, it changes peoples lives really, it makes them happier, they get self esteem, they enjoy their work… Why would I go back to something where nagging and bitching is mandatory? This project will come to an end. But there will be positive things along the way. There will be something for me at the end. I won’t rush it. But I will do my best to take the summer off. To run and write.

Do what makes you happy.

If you don’t want to get crazy ideas like running and writing you should not read Haruki Murakami’s book “What I talk about when I talk about running” 

 Ps! I can’t believe I toldsomeone I want to “run and write”. Lol. She didn’t even ask what I was going to write. I am losing my marbles….