Piece by piece… Falling apart

From having one goal only – running 50k in June – my priorities have changed slightly. Not by choice. 

I have already mentioned my regular week, Monday – Friday: 

  • 4.00 alarm clock
  • 4.30 – 5.45 running
  • 5.45 – 6.15 feed cats, breath, prepare breakfast (making juice for smoothie etc)
  • 6.15 – 6.45 shower, get dressed, ready
  • 6.45 – 8.15 driving to work
  • 8.15 – 17.00 work
  • 17.00 – 18.30 driving home
  • 19.30 dinner
  • 20.00 – 21.00 tv
  • 21.00 ready for sleep
  • 22.00 expect to sleep

Now, add time for shopping, post office, have a look at the garden, checking (private) email, pay bills, playing with the cats, laundry, dishes, cleaning… Bed time usually is at 23.00. Leaving me 5 hours of sleep. 6 hours isn’t enough to begin with.  Mondays and Fridays I don’t run, and my day starts with alarm at 5.00. 

I am a vegan runner with perfect skin. Not any more. I have spots, strange red spots, like someone pinned me with a needle. My skin is dry even if I drench it with moisterisers. My eyes hurts, itches, and are red. I am always tired. I drink black tea and I take caffein every day. Some days I can’t fully breath, as if the system stops after half a breath. I feel like crying. I eat to get energy. More than I need. I gain weight. 

I love this job as a project manager but I can’t do it. I thought it’d be easier when the light came back. But no. I laugh a lot at work. I really do and I forget that I am tired but the I walk to the car. Get stuck in traffic. And this dark cloud surrounds me. 

Any words of advice?

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